The Day My Joy Died

I was at a charm school meeting one weekend. I took the time to implement what was taught and made the best with what I have. I wore my dazzling black blouse that had that geometric design on the back and along the hem. The color of the design is in the beige /brown family (not sure what to call it). To match I wore my black skinny jeans and a taupe (I think it’s spelled) pair of flat shoes. My accessories were a camel brown earrings, no bracelets. As it was my turn to be critiqued, I was pretty confident that I would get a good, not great or outstanding review.

Friends, I was slaughtered with no mercy. I forgot how people can be cruel, harsh, and judgemental. One after another gave no polishing update; except for the one person who agreed that my jeans were appropriate for the blouse. Otherwise, it left me in tears, with a crushed ego and facing an undetermined future. I could understand if they were strangers but these are people who I see regularly for years.

I don’t want to be the person who pleases people, but I don’t fit in their mold and I have to accept it. This tragedy has given me a new reason to reevaluate my life, and the people who I allow in my life. Being newly married for only 4 months I really thought that my life, my world would get an upstart but it’s been the complete opposite. I’ve been suffering since being married. I love my husband very much and he loves me but we have had a rough start to our marriage even. That’s another story for another day. With helping him out of his dilemma that he put us in, this, in my opinion, does not preclude the ‘wedded bliss’ factor for newlyweds.

Painstakingly as it is, these are moments that have killed my joy of life. Yes, one day at a time, sure it’ll get better in the end, and every other cliche known on earth. But to be hurting this much when striving to be there for others, be less selfish, I can only ask myself: ” Where is my reward? ” Nobody can answer that but God.

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4 thoughts on “The Day My Joy Died

  1. I always go back to what a wise man told me as a young kid that stuck with me and is quite simple that everyone knows but not all of people apply it, ¨If it´s bad for you, just leave it¨ You can not apply it to everything in life, I had jobs they were bad but I needed the money, but you can certainly apply it towards your fellow humans.

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